Jaymz Khan

It is now official. I have stopped celebrating any and all hollidays (only those that pertain to my faith and even then that is a personal thing). I think that I may even just not celebrate my birthday this year. Last night was the best New Years of my life and that is a huge statement on how much my New Years have sucked. Sarina got really drunk and needed to be taken home, which I have no problem with but the "druken antics" in my car set me spinning off into a really depressive state. I got back to club and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I definately hate champaign too, man that shit is gross. I did get a hell of a lot of photos, and some really interesting photos, that I need to figure out where and how I can post them.

So time for 2005 in review:-

Spent New Years last year with some of my brothers, which was okay until Amber turned up and started pitching a fit because I didn't spend time with her. Also tried to call the Whore of Babylon at Midnight only to have her ex (then current) boyfriend hang up on me.
Officially moved to this state on the 3rd on January, so my 1 year is on tuesday.
Spent the first 4 months in this state unbelievably drepressed, to the point where I was willing to just say fuck it and move back to London.
Found out in April that the Whore of Babylon had cheated on me.
But April (more specifically the first thursday after my birthday, the 14th) was when I met Josh and then a week later I met Maya, Angela and Whitney. I now have a huge number of people that I consider family and I love every single one of them. This year would have been even harder for me if it wasn't for you guys. I appreciate all of you, more than I think you guys know.
I fell in love and had my heart stomped on, something that I am still not over, nor will I ever be over.
Got another Tat, and some more piercings. I do want my PA back.
I stated boxing in an attempt to get back into shape, and it is working, and will work again as soon as my ankle stops hurting.
Tried Shrooms and enjoyed them a lot.
Discovered my true faith and all the interesting times that have come with that revelation
Got married, even though she has now placed me in the it'll be too wierd catagory.
Allow my emotions to run away with me way too often. I need my control back.
Started this year single and finished it single.

Guess that is it for now

In the year I resolve to: Start a cult. Get your resolution here

So last night was an absolutely amazing time. We talked pretty much the entire 8 hours that we hung out. I picked her up a little after 10:30 and I left her house at 6am (so really 7 1/2 hours). I can definately say that I can not wait to see her again, hopefully that'll be wednesday for a little bit. Fingers crossed. The Yenta is going to get her side tomorrow.

So Mel turned up to club right as I was pulling in. The interesting thing about that was, I still felt that pangs that I know will always be there, but it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. Which is definately a good thing. I made the right choice when I cut her out of my life. But I did go up to Josh to ask the question: "How is she doing?" So we started talking, and he mentioned that she asks him about me and how I'm doing (which I find interesting, considering everything that has happened). But he also brought up the point that she doesn't hate me, she understands "to a point". To a point???? Yeah aparently she understands that this is a little difficult for me but that I should just get over it. Wait a sec, I should get over it, miss-i'm-outside-club-crying-because-he's-not-here. See the thing about this whole situation is not that fact that I love her, I will always love her, that is something that I've dealt with. It is the fact that she, through her actions, told me that the waste of humanity, Cameron, is a better person than I am. Josh did make the point thought that that has nothing to do with me but is all her. Seriously, how fucked in the head do you have to be to say that someone who lies and cheats is worth being with?

On an upside, I had THE EPIPHANY recently. I don't need a girlfriend. I get everything that I would get from a girlfriend from the other women in my life, the only thing that I am lacking is sex on a semi-regular to regular basis. Aparrantly, this epiphany has made many people happy, so at least I know that I am going in the right direction.

Guess that is all for now. I prolly wont post until the new year, because of the shit storm that is brewing.

Serraphim

The Fallen Angelic One

Fuck it. If I fail this test, so what. I can make up for it in the essay. I am way too depressed to even think about studying.

Serraphim

The Fallen Angelic One

( God is a Moron )

What the fuck? Seriously what moron thought that it was a good idea to move to shitty indie crowd upstairs to our patio. Fuck that was the cool thing about Paint it Black, you could hang on the patio and still hear the good shit that was being spun inside, now if I want some fresh air I have to deal with all those annoying little indie shits. And I'm sorry, but making Paint It Black a weekly thing isn;t that great of an idea, the main draw of P.I.B is the fact that it is once a month, you pretty much know who is going to turn up and I like that, because I get to hang out wiht people that I don;t see all that often. Now that it is a weekly thing it'll have to compete with Krave, which really isn't a good idea because the P.I.B people don't have the kind of money that the guys running the Krave night do, especially now that they are going after the local Dj's. They can pay a hell of a lot better than the P.I.B crew (well once the night starts doing well, which realistically isn't going to be too long from now).

Gah, sometimes white folk truely do amaze me

Serraphim

The Fallen Angelic One

( Figure I'ld do this while I'm ripping cds )

( Cut for insane length )

I just took a look at the pics from subversion's halloween night. I think that it is a prodigious amount of skill that while drunk as I was I only appeared in 2 pictures. I really need to start focusing on my ability to avoid pictures being taken of me.

On to the news though. I was having a pretty good week up until last night. I have absolutely no idea where it came from, but an incredibly bad bout of depression hit me as I was driving brian home. And I mean really bad, I'm still feeling the effects of it right now and it doesn't look like it will let up for another couple days. I really do wish I knew what it was this time that brought about this depression. Eh.

Serraphim

The Fallen Angelic One